


Absolution, maybe

by wesleyfanfiction_archivist



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-11-25
Updated: 2003-11-25
Packaged: 2018-07-12 07:39:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7092568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wesleyfanfiction_archivist/pseuds/wesleyfanfiction_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>But she'll get rid of it, and nothing has to change.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Absolution, maybe

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Versaphile, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [WesleyFanfiction.net](http://fanlore.org/wiki/WesleyFanFiction.Net). Deciding that it needed to have a more long-term home, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in February 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact the e-mail address on [WesleyFanfiction.net collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wesleyfanfiction/profile).

**Absolution, maybe**  
by Jaclyn // musicnotej@aol.com  
09.13.03

*

Lilah Morgan is pregnant. She stares the EPT in her white-white hand, at that insidious blue plus, the intersection of those stupid, meaningless little lines. And why shouldn't they be meaningless?

She knows people that can-- well, not people. But she'll get rid of it, and nothing has to change. 

*

Wesley looks at her and knows. He knows; he can tell, and maybe it's the way she holds herself, as if she fears she'll break -- could the fetus inside her claw its way out, trying to escape before it's too late? Lilah is being ripped apart from the inside. She _is_.

Now she is screaming and falling, clawing at _him_ , and though neither of them has said the word 'pregnant', they both know it's what her high, shaky shrieks mean and the reason for his shell-shocked expression.

"Your FAULT!" she screams, and punches him in the groin. Wesley drops like a stone, pulling her with him into a heap on the floor. "Let GO of me, you BASTARD, you-- what have you DONE--"

It is impossible that he could know, yet he does. Or perhaps not so impossible: they are sometimes too frantic to use protection; and she has never had fear in her eyes before today.

*

Wesley is hugging her. It is strange. They are tangled on the floor and his arms are around her shoulders as she rages. Then a hand moves to her stomach, and she knows it already too late. 

Ever since his friends deserted him, Wesley has been seeking a connection, and now he's found it. She has never done anything for him, but she knows that if she stays, she will have to have this baby, knows that there's not even an alternative. Knows this is the beginning of the end. 

Maybe, she thinks, after it's born he should just take his child and leave. He won't need anything else. Maybe it would be for the best.

*

But that's not fair. That's _his_ best, not hers. 

Lilah needs to get out of here. Needs to get away from the surprising handsomeness of his face when he smiles, and the way it's making her feel. It's not right that she should bear a child simply because she wants to believe she's the cause of that beautiful look in his eyes. It's not her. It has nothing to do with her. It's just that he's finally seen something inside of her -- inside of her _body_ \-- that he likes. 

She locks Wesley's expression in her mind, allows herself the brief luxury of a fantasy in which he truly-- _no_ , and then she pulls out of his arms and runs like hell.

*

When she comes back, she's alone.

The beautiful expression on Wesley's face turns to ash. "What have you _done?_ " he manages. 

And she knows he will never forgive her, but better it should be him than the child. There are not many things capable of sneaking in guilt past Lilah Morgan's tough hide, but bringing a baby into the home of a damn-near abusive, alcoholic father and an emotionally stunted woman is just something she can't do.

She will try to explain to him that she will not be her mother all over again, repressing a lifetime of memories in a small clinic where the foods are soft and the walls are softer. And if he refuses to understand, she will gather up the small stash of Lilah-clothes from the corner of his sock drawer, and that will be the end.

 

END


End file.
